


how do they know how to use a phone

by arothia



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Multi, So OOC, chat fic, endgame and iw dont exist, no one hates eachother ok my heart wouldnt be able to take it, telling u right now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-05-16 12:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19318249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arothia/pseuds/arothia
Summary: seductive god: lets add our other fellow avengers!toeny: ...that may be the worst idea ive ever heardgreen eggs and ham: samescary russian lady: samepopsicle: samebird brain: NO lets do it, this is boring as fuck





	1. beginning

**Author's Note:**

> i made this sleep deprived at 2am because ive been binge reading chat weeks for a few days straight  
> none of this will make sense because im illiterate and wont have a plot bc i wont follow it  
> also dont expect regular updates im not creative
> 
> this is crack and its messy imsorry bye

 

**GROUP CHAT: ASSemble**

**MEMBERS:**

**tony stark: toeny**

**steve rogers: popsicle**

**natasha romanoff: scary russian lady**

**clint barton: clit**

**thor odinson: seductive god**

**bruce banner: green eggs and ham**

**( bucky barnes: bonky**

**sam wilson: big bird**

**shuri: meme queen**

**peter parker: beter**

**wanda: the og sabrina**

**loki: emo twink )**

**_______________________________**

 

 

 **clit:** we've had this chat for like 5 years and we've only collectively spoken in it 10 times

 

 **clit:** why the fuck

 

 **popsicle:** We're adults with personal lives that don't need to communicate through a group chat.

 

 **clit:** this would have been very useful during urs and tony's pissing contest 

 

 **scary russian lady:** I think you just gave steve an aneurysm

 

 **toeny:** the accords were not a 'pissing contest' clint it was serious.

 

 **clit:** lol say that to the airport in germany "lETs rECruIT a 14 YeAr OlD" 

 

 **scary russian lady:** oh shit 

 

 **seductive god:** I am still sad I did not get an invite for such festivities, but i have a better idea!

 

 **seductive god:** lets add our other fellow avengers to this chat.

 

 **toeny:** ...that may be the worst idea i've ever heard

 

 **green eggs and ham:**  same

 

 **scary russian lady:**  same

 

 **popsicle:**  same

 

 **clit:** NO lets do it we're boring as fuck

 

 **___**  


 

 **clit:** this is exactly what i meant.

 

 **toeny:** ok so maybe he has a point

 

 **scary russian lady:** don't encourage him 

 

 **clit:** too late :)

 

**[bird brain added bonky]**

 

 **popsicle:**  How do you two even know each other?

 

 **clit:** went on a mission with him once, it was the funnest thing i've ever done

 

 **bonky:** that mission was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

 

 **scary russian lady** : was the the time both of you were trying to find me?

 

 **bonky:** yes, he called me greasy 3 minutes before we found you. if i wasn't half hanging out of a vent i would of stabbed him.

 

 **clit:** wtf

 

**[bonky added big bird] [stank added beter]**

 

 **big bird:** what the fuck is this.

 

 **beter:** mr. stark what-

 

 **beter:** wait is this

 

 **beter:** it's an avengers gc oh my godjsjsjkss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **beter:** everyone is in here!??!!??!!!!! 

 

 **stank:** you see everyone in here basically all the time kid, how is this exciting?

 

 **beter:** i just didnt think u guys knew technology enough to have a gc with eachother omgjnssjs i need to tel shuri im adding shuri

 

**[beter added meme queen, the og sabrina, emo twink)**

 

 **stank:** you said shuri not your whole teenage gang

 

 **meme queen:** LMAOOO peter i thought u were lying

 

 **the og sabrina:**  rt

 

 **emo twink:**  rt

 

 **clit:** loki didn't u die?

 

 **emo twink:** wouldnt u like to know weather boy

 

 **green eggs and ham:** stuff like this makes me wish i was still stuck on sakaar as the hulk


	2. what the fuck thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kind of based off a true story w my irls (literally 2 sentences only bye)
> 
> i changed shuris name from the last chapter don’t be confused im sorry and will fix it when i remember  
> update i cant be bothered she was meme queen now its disney princess

 

 

 

 **emo twink:** i have a very life threatening issue to tell everyone

 

 **seductive god:** LOKI DO NOT

 

 **emo twink:** everybody needs to know about what you just did

 

 **seductive god:** NO THEY DONT

 

 **disney princess:**  yes we do

 

_[seductive god has removed emo twink from the chat]_

_[disney princess has added emo twink to the chat]_

_[seductive god has removed emo twink from the chat]_

_[disney princess has revoked admin privileges from seductive god]_

_[disney princess has added emo twink to the chat]_

 

 **disney princess:** speak 

 

 **seductive god:** i will do everything for you for the rest of your life if you do not tell anyone about this

 

 **emo twink:**  u do everything for me anyway

 

 **emo twink:** so as i was trying to say 

 

 **emo twink:** i just walked into the kitchen to grab myself some food

 

 **emo twink:** and i see thor sitting at the table

 

 **emo twink:** eating chicken nuggets

 

 **emo twink:** but that wasnt the problem

 

 **emo twink:** he was eating them with SOY SAUCE 

 

 **toeny:** what the fuck thor

 

 **seductive god:** i thought everyone did it

 

 **beter:** mr thor i will never bully you about your food choices

 

 **seductive god:** thank you peter!

 

 **beter:** except for this one bc no normal person eats nuggets with sOY SAUCE WHATSJHSKSSJK

 

 **disney princess:** LMAOSKSKJS disgostang!!!

 

 **green eggs and ham:** i thought we taught him better :(

 

 **seductive god:** im from a different planet ?????

 

 **emo twink:** so am i but i know that u dont eat nuggets like that, another excuse please

 

 **green eggs and ham:** i think we broke him.

 

_[green eggs and ham has sent an image.]_

_[thor is sitting on the kitchen table with his head in his hands, the nuggets in front of him and his phone on the other side of the room, it clearly has been thrown.]_

 

 **clit:** [png.itswhathedeserves]

 

**____________________________________________**

 

 **bonky:** guys steve bought me a happy meal today because he said i looked sad.

 

 **bonky:** i got this ugly toy in it, and the happy meal did not make me happier.

 

 **bonky:** [png.grimacesticker]

 

 **seductive god:** is that the mcdonalds character from those advertisements?

 

 **emo twink:** idk is it? either way he wouldnt put soy sauce on his nuggets, so hes better than u. have some respect for ronald mcdonald u fucking egg.

 

 **beter:** you killed thor twice in a day is he ok @brucebanner

 

 **green eggs and ham:** can confirm he is not okay, i walked into the kitchen and i think hes sobbing

 

 **clit:** [png.itswhathedeserves]

 

 **the og sabrina:** dont reuse memes old man

 

 **clit:** u telling me to not reuse them has never stopped me before

 

 **toeny:** is everyone to ignore the fact that steve bought bucky a HAPPY meal because ''he looked sad''!?!?

 

 **big bird:** i was there when it happened it was the single handedly the funniest thing ive ever seen

 

 **big bird:** steve walked into the apartment with the happy meal and went straight over to bucky and gave it to him without saying anything at all

 

 **big bird:** bucky was so confused and asked him what it was and steve turns to him and says "youve looked sadder than usual, buck. i thought buying a happy meal would make you be happier, even if its just for a little bit"

 

 **big bird:** i never had seen him look so insulted in my life, so i'm sitting on the couch trying not to laugh

 

 **big bird:** bucky eats all the food, and instead of throwing the box away like a normal person

 

 **big bird:** he goes up to steve and sticks the stupid sticker on his forehead and turns around to walk away, but instead turns back around and piffs the box at steves head

 

 **big bird:** i laughed so much i think i passed out for 30 seconds, when i woke up steve is still where he was with the most confused face ever, like that pikachu meme that shuri and peter post on twitter.

 

 **big bird:** and bucky is still staring at him with this murderous grin, tells steve that made him happier than the happy meal and walks away.

 

 **popsicle:** Sam it wasn't funny at all, my head still hurts.

 

 **disney princess:** i've taught him well

 

 **bonky:** :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasnt gonna actually write the happy meal part but it kind of just happened and im not mad at all
> 
> also so i dont have to clarify it later
> 
> steve, bucky and sam live in an apartment in brooklyn  
> bruce loki and thor live in a house somewhere outside of ny that tony got them (my revengers heart ok) (valk will be mentioned because of this sometime)  
> peter switches between him and may's apartment and the avengers compound  
> everyone else lives in the compound :)


	3. this is a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: updates twice in 2 days  
> also me: posts a chapter 4 months later (???)

 

 

 

 

 **popsicle:** story bucky walks into the apartment yesterday and asks me if it is gay to kiss your homies goodnight, naturally i was confused and blamed shuri and peter immediately.

 

 **popsicle:** i didnt know what to say i was CONFUSED so i say no, then bucky leaves the room without saying anything which is kinda normal so i didnt think anything of it

 

 **popsicle:** few hours pass and we're all getting ready for bed like im in bed, sams in bed. we got no clue where bucky is because the jerk always leaves the apartment at night. anyways i hear this small scream from sams room and @samwilson

 

 **big bird:** i hate you

 

 **scary russian lady:** i would enjoy reading the rest of this if one of you boys could continue :)

 

 **big bird:** im reading a book in bed, really invested very good book, and bucky sneaks into my room and i put my book down and say hey, what are you doing?

 

 **big bird:** he smiles and goes 'oh just saying goodnight' so i said 'alright then, goodnight' 

 

 **big bird:** the fucker WALKS UP TO ME AND KISSES ME? so i say 'bucky what the fuck' and he says 'it isnt gay to kiss your friends goodnight' with this pouty face and steve walks into the room and sees how awkward it is between us and belly laughs

 

 **big bird:** bucky turns to him and goes 'you said it wasnt gAy' then climbs out the fire escape. im still confused and we dont know where bucky is 

 

 **disney princess:** hes with me losers 

 

 **popsicle:** how did he get to wakanda in a 9 hour period?

 

 **disney princess:** he swam, looked like a drowned raccoon when he showed up at the palace

 

 **popsicle:** are you serious

 

 **bonky:** no u fucker loki did his magic thing when i showed up at their house during the night 

 

 **popsicle:** y-you walked to his house. he lives 3 hours away.

 

bonky: i ran actually it was very peaceful you should try it sometime instead of lyING 

 

 **big bird:** sons crying now thanks

 

 **bonky:** you dont have a son

 

 **big bird:** no i mean steve, steve is crying. 

 

\-------------------------------------------

 

 **clit:** tweenies

 

 **beter:** you summoned me

 

 **clit:** i need to find katie kate

 

 **beter:** kate as in snarky attitude, loves to bully you, is the reason why your username is clit?

 

 **clit:** ...yes she took my dog

 

 **the og sabrina:** oh thats your dog?

 

 **clit:** ???????

 

 **the og sabrina:** i think i just met her. i was coming to see you and walking out of the apartment complex is this girl wearing purple with a dog that has pizza in its mouth and shes talking to lucky about how "clint is a bad owner for not walking you today" ?? first of all walk ur dog old man u have working legs

 

 **the og sabrina:** anyways shes rly nice im with her how

 

_the og sabrina sends a photo [png.wanda_kate_lucky]_

 

 **clit:** what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> old man steve annoyed me with his texting so i changed it. 
> 
> also i had to sneak sambucky in there, if im bothered to make a plot it'll probably be operation get them together.


End file.
